I’m in my 30s now and I’m still mourning her loss. I still miss my mother even though I have lived the best part of my life without her. These are three things I’ve realized when lost her.
1. Everyone experiences sorrow differently.
A person dear to you has been taken away from you and you’ve been left with a broken heart. We all experience sorrow, but everyone in a different way. It can be manifested through fury, grief, blame, scare and even tranquillity. It is unpredictably wearying.
I cried when she passed away and at her funeral too when the school choir sang “Be Not Afraid”.In the following years, I didn’t cry that much, but I surely felt scared and anger and a mix of emotions connected to her loss. Afterwards, grief struck me hard when I was in my 20s.
A dear friend of mine asked me about Mam and due to the fact that I had never ever mentioned her to anyone outside the family, I burst into tears. It was such a relief. Mother’s Day is always a hard one. When I went shopping for my wedding dress, it made me feel bad. And yet again it hits harder on a normal day. A mother and her daughter in the fitting room trying on clothes and then telling each other how they look. Or friends hanging out with their mothers for lunch and I can’t but just imagine how it would be like!
I have now been acquainted with the feeling of affection, grief and loss.
2. There is no substitution.
No one can substitute your mother. We love our mothers in our own way. They look after us when we feel ill, they are our guide in life, listen to our problems and above all, they love us thoroughly. Her child is the top priority to a mother. And we know this. We sense it. We are aware of it even though she does not say it. My mother was extremely happy when she had me, a healthy baby girl. I was told that she would call me her little angel. She carried me in her womb for nine months. When I was born, we had that special connection, and she knew me the second I came into existence. Never will there be a replacement for the person who possibly loved me more than herself. The happiness in her eye when she saw me, the tenderness of her arms wrapped around me, the sorrow in her eyes when she was forced to say goodbye is all that showed me the profound love my mother had for me.
Mom would prepare lunches for me to take to school, she would call the muffins after my name as they were my favourite and would surprise me with the most beautiful doll she could find when I was little. She would repair my toys when they were torn, taught me to behave and sit up straight, wiped my tears when I cried and my nose when I was ill.
Nowadays I look for specific qualities in people.
I search for kindness, shining, tenderness and goodness that Mam had. I search for a sense of humour,a voice of understanding and the tough personality. These are qualities that my Mom had. Only some of them I find in others. However, it is never the same. Never will there be another Mam. She is irreparable in so many qualities.
3.There will always be other people that will love you and you will love in return.
Your family members and friends will love you. There will be cases where family members might not love you or stand by you, and we might have to learn to let go and search further for people who truly love us, but there will be someone who needs your love.
God blessed me with the good-hearted, most dedicated father who gave us, my brother and me, the love and affection we needed. My father is precious to me. He calls me to talk to each other. He feels bad whenever I’m not feeling well and is delighted when I’m happiest. He listens to my problems and supports me in making the right decisions.
He has been such a great help in facing my loss with his unconditional love and affection. And my husband has been of great help too. He has always been by my side.
I’ve been lucky to have my family, but this doesn’t mean I don’t have my friends’ support.
I have reunited with old friends after many years and I’ve come to realize I have a lot in common with others. Having people to love is as healing as receiving love. I worked as a kindergarten teacher for ten years. I loved the children I cared for and they loved me back as much as I did. If we give our love to others we will receive as much love in return. You could try working as a volunteer in a school or hospital. A lot of people out there need love. Technology has made this big world seem so small. We can talk to people from all over the world. The first to reveal the true meaning of love was our mothers. In their honour, let’s give love wherever we can.