Being old of age can make you fragile, but due to their life experiences, the elderly have wisdom beyond all the youngsters(at least some of them)

The letter below is written by an 86-year-old woman to the bank manager when the bank bounced her check.

It will make you smile and also remind you that it’s a REALLY bad idea to mess with the elderly.

Dear Sir :

“The reason I am writing is to thank you for bouncing my check with which I was able to pay my plumber the previous month. As I have it calculated, the time needed in between presenting the check until it arrived in my account of the funds must have been three nanoseconds. Of course, I have referred to the automatic monthly deposit of my whole salary. This arrangement has been in place for only eight years.

You will be commended for seizing that brief opportunity and for debiting my account $50 as a way of penalty for the inconvenience caused to the bank as well. I may say that this incident has made me rethink my errant financial ways.

As I try to contact you, I have encountered impersonal, overcharging, and a prerecorded faceless entity which your bank has become.

Considering all this, from now on, I choose to deal only with a ”flesh and blood” person.

You are required to nominate an employee from your bank, whom I will be contacting to make my mortgage and loan repayments as they will not be automatic anymore but will arrive at your bank, by check, addressed confidentially to him.

You have to be aware of the fact that under the Postal Act, no other person must open such an envelope.

Attached you will find an Application Contact status which your chosen employer is required to complete.

It runs to eight pages, but because I must know as much about him or her as the bank knows about me, there is no other alternative. You are pleased to note that all copies of his or her medical history have to be signed by a Notary Public and the mandatory details of his/her financial situation debts, income, assets, and liabilities, must have a document accompanied as a proof.

In dealings with me, I will issue the employee with a PIN number. I know it contains 28 digits, but I have it modeled on the number that your phone bank service has required me to access my account. As said, imitation is the highest sincerest way of flattery.

Allow me to level the playing field further.

Press buttons as below instructed:


  1. To leave an appointment to see me
  2. To ask about a missing payment.
  3. To have the call transferred to my living room if I am there
  4. To transfer it to my bedroom.
  5. To transfer it to the toilet when I am attending to nature.
  6. In case I am not home, to have the call moved to my mobile phone.
  7. In order to leave a message on my computer, you are required a password to access it, which will be communicated later on to the Authorized Contact.
  8. To get back to the main menu and to listen to options 1-7
  9. To make a general Complaint.

After that, the contact will be put on hold, pending the attention of the automated answering machine.

Uplifting music will be good for the duration of the call may be needed as it may, on occasion involve a lengthy wait.

Again following your example, I also have to levy an establishment fee to cover the setting up of the new arrangement.

I wish you a very happy, yet ever-slightly less prosperous New Year.


                    Your Humble Client ”